Ten Guidelines To Good Listening

TEN GUIDELINES TO GOOD LISTENING

1. STOP TALKING
You cannot listen while you are talking.

2. PUT THE TALKER AT EASE
Do not interrupt. Let the talker feel free to talk. This is called a “permissive environment”.

3. SHOW THE TALKER YOU WANT TO LISTEN
Look directly at the speaker. Do not look around the room, listen to other nearby conversations, read your mail, or do other things.

4. REMOVE DISTRACTIONS
Don’t doodle, tap, or shuffle papers. Will it be quieter if you shut the door?

5. EMPATHIZE WITH THE TALKER
Try to put yourself in the talker’s place so you can see his/her point of view. Listen to understand, not to oppose.

6. HOLD YOUR TEMPER
An angry person gets the wrong meaning from words.

7. GO EASY ON ARGUMENTS OR CRITICISM
This immediately puts the talker on the defensive. Even if you win you lose. Look for points of agreement.

8. ASK QUESTIONS
This encourages the talker and helps to develop points. CAUTION: Too many questions, especially irrelevant ones, only frustrate and distract. Think first – Is this question necessary or are you just being an impatient listener? Clarity usually follows “conscious” listening.

9. LISTEN FOR THOUGHTS NOT WORDS
Even if the speaker uses inaccurate words, the adept listener is able to follow because he listens for the speaker’s thoughts, not his choice of words.

10. STOP TALKING!
This is the first and last because all other guidelines depend on it. The human brain is incapable of talking and listening at the same time. Listen first to understand. Only then are you able to give an appropriate response.